Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
