my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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