they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
