I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
