I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize