I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
