I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
