Where is the hickey?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
