Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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