honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize