Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
