I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
