i permit you to call me
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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