Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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