He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
