Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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