New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
