i may or may not be watching the land before time
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize