I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
