billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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