I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
