Your dad touched me again.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
