I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
