well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
worst night to have a conscience
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
