i think i have herpe
just one?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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