Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
