I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize