I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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