you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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