How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize