Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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