I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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