i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
that may or may not have been my penis.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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