I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
