So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
then he tried to convert me to islam
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize