yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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