And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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