i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
