Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Is it because I queefed?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
