I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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