You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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