I wannas sexs uuuuu
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
