I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
