i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
