fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
