You can't special order awesome
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
