No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
