she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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