Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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