jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
