my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
