I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
