Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We left the knife in your bed.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You ruined the universe
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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