maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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