3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
