I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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