Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
