i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My balls are so social today.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize