i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
