If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
