I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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