Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just cut my nipple shaving
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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