You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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